Hands up, who thinks the following sucks?

8 December 2005

My kidney stone was due to be obliterated on 5th January 2006. I had a morning admission, so I would have been out again the same day. Then I get a letter saying that my appointment has been moved to the 4th because Mr Kidney Man no longer has any ADC beds, so I’ve been put on the TCI list. Eh? I rang the hospital today to confirm that I could do this date and asked what the hell all the letters meant and what was going on. ADC is “Adult Day Care” and TCI is “To Come In”. Mmm, snappy.

So there are no day care beds for Mr Kidney Man any more, meaning that I have to be admitted as an in-patient the day before in order to guarantee my bed. The operation won’t take place until the 5th, but they want me in hospital at 3.30pm on the 4th. This, in case you can’t put two and two together, is a colossal waste of my time and surely can’t be the most effective use of bed space on the NHS. Come the 4th, I shall be doing my damnedest to go home overnight. Even if I have to say, “I’m going out for a cigarette. I’ll be back in the morning.” I live only half an hour away from the hospital, so I just want to go in, pee on the bed to mark my territory and come back, you know, when they’re, like, ready. Wankers.

Later, a text from Suzy: “I just saw two men walk past, laughing at something one of them had said. One was tall and slightly scruffy but nice looking and the other was a well-dressed and handsome dwarf. Have we been cloned and turned male without us knowing?”